Turn to Me

He reminded me of the "sin". A testament of the acts committed just hours before. A thought occurred to me."As in a sin to you, but not to me. Because I felt that I loved you in that moment."
I open up and share, and in those moments,  I am more aware of my being. I hear my voice as it speaks out the words, that formulate the stories of my life's memories and emotionally express them. I feel the sensuality that travels straight to my core from a single touch received or given. I feel my smile as it forms on my tired face. I feel the tears, roll out of my eyes and onto my cheeks.
I am completely aware that I am alive. I just don't have the energy to participate. I can feel the will to survive dissipate within me. Life, death and the in between.  It's overwhelming for me.
God asks me to seek him with all of my heart.  As much as it aches and hurts and cries out in agony, I aim to please HIM.
Take me,Lord. I am yours.
I am your creation, your beautiful little sinner. I ask for your forgiveness daily. I ask for your guidance. I am learning to turn to you.
Please turn to me.

For the Memory of Alex Mosqueda

In my 37 years, I have never met a man who embodied the definition of love. It was so profound in him. He shared his love, his wisdom, his smile, and his hugs.  I had opened up with him once about my poetry and how hard it was to communicate with my earthly Father. The advice he gave me, allowed me to open my eyes to see the man who God gave me as a Father, to accept him and love him regardless of his flaws. I can’t seem to get over how big his heart was. After every conversation with him, I would leave, not feeling alone, but feeling optimistic about sharing that same kind of love and compassion with others.

Alex was patient. Alex was kind. Alex did not envy, nor did he boast, and was not a prideful man. Alex did not dishonor others and was not self-seeking. Alex was not easily angered, and he kept no record of wrongs. Alex did not delight himself in evil, but he DID rejoice in the truth. Alex always protected, always trusted, always hoped and always persevered.

 1 Corinthians 13: 10-13

“10 when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.  11 When I was a child, I talked like a child; I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

Alex exemplified the definition of love during his journey with us. His legacy is that of a beautiful love; a love to share with others throughout our lifetime. What remains with us after completeness comes, is faith, hope and love…but the GREATEST is LOVE.


Don’t stop loving one another and strangers alike. I feel compelled to say that this is what he would want.

The Choice

Stressful days/nights; no reprieve in sight.
Heartaches induce stomach pains/headaches.

Eyes are blind and cannot see; faith at times is far from me.
I hold on to what I feel; touching makes it real.

Close my eyes to listen for that still, small voice; HE is my first choice.
Speak to me. Guide me. Comfort me. Trust me.

I am struggling. Please, God, Hear my call. I fear the fall.
Take from me this pain; I want to live for you again.

I believe in you. Can you believe in me?
I belong to you. Only You can make my life complete. 

I long for a peace of mind. Gift it to me one more time?
I will continue to seek you, first. For Only you can quench my thirst.

I want to let go of all the pain, Lord! Open my eyes, and set them on you.

Big Hearts

The teacher confronts me and says she needs to talk about his behavior.

My internal reaction is that he’s an angel.

My immediate thought is, “God, please let her see into my soul.”

While she begins to tell me what he’s done, all I can think is:

I’m trying my best.

Give him a break.

He is trying his best, too.

He’s super smart.

He’s got a beautiful heart.

When she’s done, I respond with:

“Thank you for informing me of his behavior today. He’s got a wild imagination. Please excuse me. As a single-parent, whenever a teacher begins her sentence with, “I need to talk to you”, my blood pressure rises and I become anxious. “

I feel the tears burn my eyes, as I try to hold them in.

Survival mode begins.

I call him to where we stand. He comes over and I ask him to apologize to for his behavior.

I watch him as tears fill his eyes and he says with his angelic voice, “I am sorry for the way I acted.”

He opens his arms and offers an embrace.

I feel his pain, his remorse, his regret.

As we walk to our car, I hug him close to me, and remind him that no one is perfect.

We can only try, every waking day, to give that day our best.

Sometimes we need a break, even when we are smart, and we have big hearts.