Starry Night

I was sitting in the rolling hills of grass in Donegal with my daughter, on a starry night. The wind rolled by, softly brushing our hair against our cheeks. She snuggled up to me, seeking the warmth of my embrace. As we gazed at the sky, stars began to fall out of place. The first group that fell transformed into to white butterflies, brightly glowing as they danced in the air around each other.

I asked my daughter if she could see what I was seeing. She turned to look at me, confused by my visions, and simply slipped away from me, vanishing into the night.
I was alone on the hill. The cold surrounded me, and all I could do was lay down, and surrender helplessly to the starry night.

"Stop!! Don't run!"

I have 3 beautiful children. For each of their births, I chose to deliver naturally, without any sort of pain medication. This was a decision I made in relation to my belief that I would somehow interfere with their natural birth into this world. I wanted them to be wide awake, not groggy. For each of their births, I learned how to recognize my pain, and to just "breathe" through it, and each time, we all survived.

This morning, I took my son and daughter to Walmart, to buy Size 5 diapers for my 1yr old daughter. I unbuckled my 4yr old son from his car seat, then I unbuckled my daughter from hers. I was carrying my daughter on my left hip, and held my son's hand as we walked away from my car.

My son asked me, "Mom, are you going to put me in a basket?" I told him, "No, you can walk in with me today. We're just going to go in and get diapers, buy them, and come right back out."

At that instant, he let go of my hand, and darted off, running fast, away from me!
I yelled, "Pj! Stop! Don't run! Stop right now, mister!" He kept running.
I was trying to catch up with him, with Sophia in my arms, so that I could stop him before he got to the crosswalk in front of the store, but he only ran faster.

He did not stop at the crosswalk, he ran straight through it, until he touched the front of the store, then he turned around, and said, "I made it! I beat you!" My heart was outside of my chest by the time I caught up with him.

I walked over to where he was, took his hand in my mine. Walked back to the car.
I put Sophia back in her car seat, and Pj back in his. "Mom, where are we going?", was all he kept asking as I drove out of the parking lot, and headed back home.

I could not speak. I was in shock.

In shock at the thought of losing him. At the thought of his 45lb body being hit by a vehicle, traveling at speeds of up to 25mph; of not being able to see him grow into the young boy and man that I am hoping he will become of finding him unresponsive, there in the parking lot, at Walmart.

The tears started to fall beneath my sunglasses. I cried silently all the way home.
I have simply decided that from now on, he will be the first in the basket when I get to any store. I will not let go of his hand. I will not trust his judgment until I know he knows right from wrong.