Old Friends, Best Friends

Spent the evening after work, swimming all by my lonesome at Martin Pool, w/ three young lifeguards on duty. Asked one of them to take a picture of the sky for me, as I was floating on my back, staring at the sky. One of them did; I received it in a text. Then, met up with one of my very oldest of Best Friends (counted on my hand). I'm 38, she's  39, her husband 44. Children: 5 daughters, 1 son; range in age from 22-4. Her second oldest will be giving birth to her first grandchild sometime this morning.
I asked her what she wanted to be called as a Grandma. I wasn't too happy with her answers. If I'm ever a Grandmother, I want to be known to my children's children as Grandma or Grandmother.
She and her husband have been married a little over 25yrs. I've known them this whole time.
This is one of those friendships where we pick up as if we've talked every day for the past 25yrs.
I believe women are the backbone of a strong family. Bearing children to bring forth life affords us such strong backbones; that's a fact.
I can't get over just how amazing life truly is. Old friends make the best of friends.

Live

No more wallowing in self-pity, you kind and brave soul.
Have you no idea of your self-worth?
Look deep within to gain self control.
You must've known that at your birth you were meant to live;
to move forward in this life, with so much to give.
Don't recoil with fear, lest your heart be spoiled my dear.

Dearest Lord, my love for you shall not go away. I will
love you until my dying day.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."-Psalm 37-4

Turn to Me

He reminded me of the "sin". A testament of the acts committed just hours before. A thought occurred to me."As in a sin to you, but not to me. Because I felt that I loved you in that moment."
I open up and share, and in those moments,  I am more aware of my being. I hear my voice as it speaks out the words, that formulate the stories of my life's memories and emotionally express them. I feel the sensuality that travels straight to my core from a single touch received or given. I feel my smile as it forms on my tired face. I feel the tears, roll out of my eyes and onto my cheeks.
I am completely aware that I am alive. I just don't have the energy to participate. I can feel the will to survive dissipate within me. Life, death and the in between.  It's overwhelming for me.
God asks me to seek him with all of my heart.  As much as it aches and hurts and cries out in agony, I aim to please HIM.
Take me,Lord. I am yours.
I am your creation, your beautiful little sinner. I ask for your forgiveness daily. I ask for your guidance. I am learning to turn to you.
Please turn to me.